Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
