I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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