its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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