just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Even my vagina gasped.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
