Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
