its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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