what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
