Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
