she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
