he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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