I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
