dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
