lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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