i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
