I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
