You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
