kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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