Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
My cat gives me a boner
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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