people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
