so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
