Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
