More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
