just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
