Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
