The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
