I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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