And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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