I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
