he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
