my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
