my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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