remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
