3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Randomize
