he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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