Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
