He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
