I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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