you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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