i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So here I am, sexting at work.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
