I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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