the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
