my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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