Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
