why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
