nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
