sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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