I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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