I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
