so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
