either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
did i just pee glitter
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
