Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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