I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
