Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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