Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
