I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
